Browns v. Steelers

This Sunday I ran into an issue that seems to arise virtually every Sunday during football season. Do we play the sound to the Browns or Steelers game? Being a bar in Northeast Ohio one would assume Browns, we're close to Cleveland, we should be considered a Browns bar. However, my bar in particular brings in many more Steelers than Browns fans. Seems simple, but it's a lot more complicated. The owner of the bar is a Browns fan, to the max. He was born and raised in Ohio and remains a "true" Browns fan, therefore, he requests we only play the sound to Browns games. Looking around on a Sunday afternoon around 1 o'clock, on days they play the same time, there are easily 90 Steelers fans compared to the three Browns fans at the bar. A smart business man or woman would agree that it would suit customers better to play the sound for Pittsburgh, but a bigger issues lies with the fact that the three Browns fans are all regulars. So who do you make happy? The larger number of paying customers, or continued paying customers? The answer, to me, was simple. Turn the sound off on one side, and the volume up on those TVs so that Steelers fans could hear their game, and Browns fans could hear theirs. After all, the regulars became regulars because they were given some sort of treatment they liked and kept coming back. The purpose of customer service is to provide guests with an experience that will make them want to return "Time and Time again" as my old Damon's manager would have put it.

Fights

One of my favorite conversations to listen to at a bar is the post-fight conversation.

Last week, for example I had the pleasure of witnessing a fight from start to dismissal:

In this red corner, he stands 5'8", 145 lbs. of fiery Irish adrenaline... Glasses!

In the blue corner, 6'4", 240 lbs. Massive Rage!

From over the bar came Massive Rage, shoving Glasses over the bar, but with one swift movement, Glasses reversed this hold and had Massive Rage on the ground. Before any one knew it, Massive Rage was bleeding from a gash on his head, and blood poured out of Glasses' nose. One, two, three, six punches from Glasses later, the bartender finally jumped in between and held each by the shirt collar. 

"Who started it?" the bartender demanded. 

"He blew a kiss at me!" Massive Rage exclaimed. 

"Ok, you're outta here," the bartender said. 

After a quick clean up, the entertainment really begins. 

"Oh man, you would've killed 'im," chatter spews from both ends. Whether their opponent was beaten to a pulpit or they were, their comrades are there to assure them that they would have been the clear winner of that fight. These conversation do not just happen in bars, but parties, football games, little league you name it. The male ego must be boosted regardless of their performance at the end of any fight. 

"Our adrenaline is already pumping, if there wasn't any support at the end, we might just keep it going," Mike Adams said after a Saturday night bar fight. 

My message about fights is simple: Guys, it's not cute. You do not impress any one by your ability to drunkenly swing on the first guy to look at you at the bar. The only way it becomes excusable is if you are defending your lady. Keep in mind, the idea of the knight in armor always appeals to our feminine hopes and dreams. Ladies, it's trashy. What man wants to see their woman being pulled around, or pulling around another girl by their hair? Yes, girls can be crazy, but you are better off walking away and letting your opponent look crazy rather than both of you being labeled the title of a popular  Buckcherry song. Not to mention folks, you are likely to get thrown out of the establishment you've decided to turn into your death match cage, and that ruins not only your night but your friend's. Ultimately fighting comes down to being selfish. 

Sobriety Testing

If you find you have consumed too much alcohol to drive, but decide to do so, be prepared to pass these three tests according to the Akron Police Department:
The One Leg Stand-First the police officer will ask you to stand with your feet together, arms at your side and to not move out of this position. One foot is raised approximately 6 inches from the ground and pointed. You will be instructed to look at your raised food and count aloud, "One thousand and one, one thousand and two" etc. The officer times you for roughly 30 seconds and looks for 4 cues: Swaying, using your arms for balance, hopping, or putting your foot down. If you are wearing heals, you have the option to remove your shoes. You are also not required to take this test if you are over the age of 65 and 50 pounds over weight.
The Walk and Turn- Walking in straight line, an officer will have you place one foot directly infront of the other heel touching toe. The amount of steps taken is typically nine. When doing this, keep your hands at your sides and watch your feet. There are 8 cues for this test: Can't balance during instructions, starting too soon, stopping, missing heel to toe touch by more than 1/2 an inch, stepping off line, using your arms for balance, turning incorrectly and taking the wrong number of steps.
Horizontal Gaze Nystagmus- Also called "the pen test" this test judges the amount of involuntary movement in your eyes. When the eye muscles are strained, especially looking to the corners, the muscle becomes strained and shakes involuntarily. During this test, the officer will check to make sure your eyes do not have this movement and that you do not move your head as well. Each hold lasts roughly 4 seconds.
Field sobriety tests are always voluntary, though an officer may not tell you this, keep it in mind.
The point of this is not to train you in sobriety testing but to raise awareness to the right that these are voluntary.

This video shows a comical performance of field sobriety test.

Twisted Tea

While vacationing in Oak Island, NC this summer, my boyfriend and I were poolside when vacation was paused. Leaving his Twisted Tea bottle by the tiki bar away from the pool, he went to sip it and instantly threw the bottle down and ran inside. A bee stung him on his lip and did not realize he was allergic. The reaction was so bad he was given steroids and allergy medicine by the local pharmacist, but was sure to take is "Be a Little Twisted" picture before.

Twisted Tea Brewing Company is located in Cincinnati, Ohio and started in 2001. They create hard iced tea beverages for adults. "Be a Little Twisted" is Twisted Tea's campaign for consumers to safely take pictures showing their love for Twisted Tea and how their life can be a little twisted with it.

Making the Perfect Martini

The best way to make the perfect martini is to understand how it originated first and then understand what goes into one and why. Allen Katz for howdini.com shows how to make the perfect martini:

Healthy Cocktails

Beer bellies are not only for men any more. Continue to drink beer and high calorie cocktails and girls you become victim of the beer gut for girls. But your happy hour doesn't have to destroy your diet or your figure. 1 gram of alcohol can have 7 calories, 1.5 ounces of standard 80-proof alcohol has 96 calories alone. 

"It's the mixers, syrups, and sodas that really get people into calorie trouble, because most drinks start with 1.5 ounces of distilled spirits that only have around 96 calories, but mixologists can easily turn that into a drink with hundreds of calories," says Carolyn O'Neil, MS, RD, co-author of The Dish on Eating Healthy and Being Fabulous.

According to WebMD, a single glass of wine can contain 125-150 calories. MD offers these five tips for cutting back on the calories in your cocktails: 

1. Alternate alcoholic and nonalcoholic drinks to save calories. The savvy dieter finishes one cocktail, glass of wine or beer, then has a "mocktail" -- a nonalcoholic, preferably zero-calorie beverage (like sparkling water with a lime) that looks like the real thing. This strategy not only reduces the risk of over-consuming calories and alcohol, but it also helps you stay hydrated so your head will thank you in the morning!

"It is a good idea to start the evening with a tall glass of water or sparkling water to satisfy your thirst so you won't use the alcoholic beverage to do it for you," adds Gerbstadt.

2. Choose wine, light beer, or simple cocktails made with low-calorie mixers. Just as you might order your salad with dressing on the side, don't be shy about asking for your cocktail your way.

"You can save 100 calories if you have a diet soda as your mixer," says Dawn Blatner-Jackson, MS, RD, author of The Flexitarian Diet. 

Mix cocktails with water, club soda, low calorie juices, artificial sweeteners or sugar-free syrups for easy calorie savings. Fruit and vegetable juices can be good choices because they are lower in calories than some other mixers and also contain disease-preventing antioxidants. Still, "be careful of fruit juices because even though they are more nutritious, the calories can add up quickly," says Blatner-Jackson.

Some mixers that won't pack on the pounds include:

• Diet soda or diet tonic: 0 calories
• Orange juice (6 oz): 84 calories
• Cranberry juice cocktail (8 oz): 136 calories
• Light orange juice (8 oz): 50 calories
• Light cranberry juice (8 oz): 40 calories
• Light lemonade (8 oz): 5 calories
• Coffee, tea: 0 calories
• Baja Bob's sugar-free margarita or sweet 'n' sour mix: 0 calories
• Lemon or lime juice (1/2 oz): 10 calories
• DaVinci or Torani's sugar-free syrups: 0

3. Skip the mixer altogether. Try ordering your favorite spirit or one of the new flavored liquors on the rocks. "Infused vodkas are very popular because they are not sweetened but infused with flavors, from jalapeno to peach, without adding any extra calories," says O'Neil.

4. Dilute your drink. Another option is diluting your drink with club soda or sparkling water. Wine spritzers are a low-calorie standby. And if you usually drink vodka and cranberry, for example, try it with club soda, just a splash of cranberry juice, and a squeeze of lime. Garnish with a wedge of citrus or pineapple to add flavor and few calories.

5. Have a game plan. Before heading out to the cocktail party or happy hour, make sure you have a game plan. Decide in advance the number of cocktails you are going to drink and cut back on calories during the day in anticipation. But eat a light snack before you go so you won't get tipsy with the first drink and it will be less tempted to dive into the food. Always be aware of your own personal limits. Don't drink too much, and, of course, don't drink and drive.

Find out how many calories are in your favorite cocktails at webmd.com.

How to Pour the Perfect Beer

1-800-Bartend

Becoming a bartender has many rewards. History has shown that even if the economy worsens, bar sales increase. Money is automatic, you can make any where from $50 to $1,000. When I was a bartender in Cleveland, cocktail waitresses sometimes went home with the maximum amount. Learning how to bartend does not mean you must take classes, but 1-800-Bartend offers instruction on becoming a bartender including learning how to memorize drinks, stay social with your guests and still maintain control. Since 1994 1-800-Bartend has graduated thousands of some of the nations best bartenders.
Though it is not necessary to have a license or certification to bartend, you may have to take an alcohol awareness test before bartending. The demand for bartenders is high right now because of the economy and even if you have difficulty finding one, 1-800-Bartend has a placement program that will assist you in finding one.

Table Taps

Imagine a trip to the bar filled with virtually no-wait service. Table taps give you just that.

A recent addition to Cleveland's Barley House, table taps allow guests to pour their own beer right from their table. But don't get too excited, there is a limit to the amount you may consume. A small LED screen allows your server to swipe a card which allots 24 ounces per guest. After each guest is given 24 ounces the system automatically shuts off by may be restarted if the server feels it is safe for you to consume more.

Tipping

In the United States it is customary to tip service employees. This, however, does not always ring true in other countries. Depending on how you were raised is typically how and when you might decide to tip. Growing up, my parents typically tipped servers 20 percent. Some feel that 10 percent is standard, 15 percent is good service, and 20 percent is excellent. Being a customer service industry employee, I am here to tell you this is false. What most people don't know is servers and bartenders alike do not make the state minimum wage. Currently the servers and bartenders at most Northeast Ohio bars is $3.70. If a server, on average, has five tables a night, and each only tips 10 or 15 percent, they may only walk away with $20 in one night. Imagine going to your office job and your boss telling you that your salary is then going to be based on a three dollar per hour wage. It is not simple for the single mom, college student, newly wed to make rent or house payments each month on that kind of money. If you are at the bar and do not start a tab, the standard tip is one dollar for every drink. If, however, you feel the bartender is worthy, feel free to tip more, I always welcome the added cash flow.

May I see your ID?

One of my favorite things to see at the bar is an underage person trying to use a fake ID.
Recently, a group of wrestlers from a local high school came into the bar and, while wearing their letterman's jackets, one ordered a beer and handed me an ID of a 23 year-old, bearded and what appeared to be older brother or cousin. My advice on this, just don't do it.

Under Ohio law, serving alcohol to a minor is a first-degree misdemeanor, the maximum penalty is six months in prison and/or $1,000 fine. Possession or display of a fake ID is also a first-degree misdemeanor and may result in a maximum fine of $1,000 and/or six months in prison with a minimum fine of $250.
At The Ohio State University a student may be suspended if caught for underage consumption.

Guns In Bars

There is a new law in Ohio that says people are allowed to carry guns into bars, restaurants, clubs and any other place that sells alcohol. However, the law also says the gun carrier should not drink alcohol.
Senate Bill 17 passed earlier this year and allows gun owners with a carriers license to take their guns into not only alcohol establishments but shopping malls and sports stadiums. While there are 42 states that allow carriers to take their guns into restaurants, only Tennessee and Arizona have similar laws as Ohio. Some say it's a bad idea, others argue that there are already guns in bars, only in the hands of criminals and this would give the "law-abiding citizens" the chance to shoot back.

Try not to drink too much if carrying; this new law says a carrier must not consume alcohol.

Football Sundays

One of the best times to work in the bar industry is during football season (or at least that's how it used to be). Big bars typically purchase football TV packages like NFL Sunday Ticket, thus drawing in crowds that are typically guaranteed. This year, an enemy has stormed our gates protected by The Ticket: Direct TV. 
Before the beginning of the 2011 season, Direct TV offered FREE NFL Sunday Ticket to any new customers. This has put quite a strain on the weekly income I and my fellow bartenders and servers receive. Luckily, the offer only applies to new customers. Also, Direct TV claims you receive 210+ channels with the free HD NFL Sunday Ticket. Though this seems like a dream package for the at-home-tailgaters, there have been several complaints about it. A consumer complaint website shows hundreds of complaints about Direct TV services, mostly pertaining to the adding and billing of services never requested by the consumer. "Larry" from Clarion, Pennsylvania said in October, 2011 that he was currently being bill for the NFL Sunday Ticket, which he did not order. "I told them at that time I did not want it, and they told me they could not cancel until bill was paid. I paid the bill, and they did not cancel the package. When I called today since the season has already started. they would not cancel the package."
Several others reported similar instances, but the same story is not told by all. Warren Solsby of Akron gets the Sunday Ticket every year and says he has never had a problem with Direct TV or their service. 
Perhaps Direct TV wants everyone to have the Ticket and issues only arise when consumers do not reciprocate these feelings. 
Regardless, though Direct TV invites you to join them on Sundays, we, your bartenders, invite you to come back on Sundays, have a cocktail and some wings and enjoy the great service at your local pub.

Robbie Flair

Barley House Cleveland is a well-known hot spot, but what makes this bar even hotter might be coming from the flame Robbie Flair shoots from his mouth on the weekends.













Cleveland's Best Bartender according to the Plain Dealer, Rob "Flair" Turek recently showed his skills on "The Dr. Oz" show. He talked about "wellness cocktails." He's considered one of the best at his art and well deserved this award.

Blender v. Oasis

After working in 5 different bars I've been able to experience various changing bar technologies. One that may not seem so obvious is the blender. Most bars will buy the cheapest blenders possible since they don't get used that often. But many bartenders will tell you, they are a pain. While bartending in Cleveland, I utilized an Island Oasis machine. For the last 20 years, Island Oasis has made serving blended drinks easier for bartenders while combining tasty ingredients. Their most popular flavors are Strawberry, Pina Colada, Mint Mojito, Margarita and Ice Cream. These flavors can be mixed and matched together adding alcohol or alone.

Holiday Shots

Here are a few recipes for everyone looking for a fun, delicious holiday shot to cheers with:


Christmas Story
In a regular shot glass pour 1/3 Butterscotch Schnapps, 1/3 Baileys and 1/3 Goldschlager or another type of peppermint schnapps
In a pint size glass, fill roughly half way. 
Drop the shot into the pint glass and chug, chug, chug!

Mistletoe
In a shaker combine:
1/2 shot of Goldschlager
1/2 shot of Apple Pucker
Splash of Cranberry Juice
Shake and strain


Caramel Apple
1/2 Caramel Apple Scnapps
1/2 Absolut Citron
Splash Cranberry and Lime juice
Shake and Strain. 


Candy Cane
1/2 shot Peppermint Schnapps

1/2 shot Rumplemintz peppermint liqeur
Splash cream and Grenadine

Sam Adams Winter Lager

Sam Adams boasts to have the best tasting beers and this Christmas they want you to drink they're Winter Lager. Having a ruby color, they fill their beer with flavors of cinnamon, ginger and a bit of citrus from an orange peel. The mix of these flavors gives off a bit of spiciness in this full-bodied beer. Sam Adams pairs this lager with mostly spicy Thai food. The Sam Adams website also gives readers several recipes to both pair and cook with this beer. It has a 5.6% ABV, 22 IBUs, OC of 14.3 and has 193 calories per 12 oz.

12 Dogs of Christmas

Another holiday beer savored by Northeast Ohioans is Thirsty Dog's Twelve Dogs of Christmas. According to Thirsty Dog they make it with honey, ginger, cinnamon, nutmeg and "Santa's Secret recipe." It has a similar taste to Christmas Ale as well as a similar effect. Twelve Dogs of Christmas as an ABV of 8.3%, IBU of 21.5 and an OG of 18.5 P.
For bar owners, Thirsty Dog beers are distributed through Heidleburg. Cristy Leimkueler is a distributer for them and says that Twelve Dogs of Christmas tastes better than Great Lakes Christmas Ale.

Christmas Ale

Each year Clevelanders and surrounding area citizens wait patiently for a taste of the holidays.

"It's like Christmas is running through your mouth," bar-goer Ryan Ezzone said.
Brewed with honey and spiced with fresh ginger and cinnamon and some might say a dash of crack, Great Lakes Brewery concocts this delicious beverage for every November to December. Winner of at least five beer World Championships, Christmas Ale boasts that it can make any holiday event a cheerful one. With an ABV of 7.5%, an ABW of 6.0% and an IBU of 30, this ale is known for sneaking up on you. And though it pairs well with any holiday toast or cheers according to Great Lakes, it does not mix well for a pleasant morning-after. As most will tell you, getting bit by the "Christmas Ale bug" can be a dangerous thing. But, if drunk responsibly, it can be a delightful event.
Holiday brews originated "in the Middle Ages when spices were commonly used instead of hops to add flavor and medicinal qualities to beer." In the 1900's the recipe returned in Western Europe. Brewers created holiday brews for patrons and the beers were typically lighter. Now, most breweries make darker beers and add spices like cinnamon for more holiday flavor.

Fall Cocktails

With each new season comes new cocktails and beers. Summer sports fruity concoctions and Coronas. A simple Long Island is equal parts Vodka, Gin, Rum, Tequilla and Triple Sec filled with Sour Mix and Cola. For an even sweeter taste substitute Cranberry juice for the Cola. In the fall, Wing Warehouse makes a "Witches Brew" consisting of Spiced Rum, Apple Cider and sugar. It is typically served warm with whipped cream and a cinnamon stick. Sam Adams releases their Oktoberfest, as does Leinenkeugle and Great Lakes. Other companies release pumpkin ales. Shocktop's pumpkin ale has a dark, smooth but bitter taste. To me, it tastes a bit stale; while Thirsty Dog, located here in Akron, uses real pumpkin for their Pumpkin Ale. They also use, squash, honey and ginger. The beer has an ABV, or alcohol by volume, of 5%, 13.5 IBU;s, or international bittering units, and 13.5P OG, or original gravity.
Thirsty Dog follows a specific process to create their award winning beers:

With winter approaching the release of the beloved Christmas Ale is slowing being released. The next blog will discuss types of Christmas Ale, ingredients, and locations to purchase this holiday brew.

Save the Drama for yo Mama

At any place of employment there is a chance you'll run into drama. Ask any restaurant/ bar employee and they'll tell you the drama there might be worse than most places. Drug deals and affairs are the most common, but the most annoying is when employees bring their home drama to work. This blog is about avoiding these issues and maintaining professional in a world of immaturity.
The other day an employee confronted another about their issues of "not getting along." While it was good for her to confront this person, the time to do it is not on the clock. This makes your problem my problem and I do not want to deal with your problem, neither do your customers. If you have an issue with another person, address it on your own time.

If you are fighting with your boyfriend, leave your issues at home. Again, no one wants to deal with your issues while you are at work. You are there to make money and make people happy. They want to enjoy their dining experience and your fight with your significant other does not create that.

Cutting Off

Knowing when enough is too much is not an easy task. A drunk may be easy to spot, but when can one really decide to cut someone off? This task is done by the most professional bartenders.

There are many aspects to being a good server or bartender, and the ability to read people is perhaps the most important. One needs to be able to judge a guest's personality, their mood, who's paying and quite often when they've had too much.

Many bartenders will push the limits of their drunken patrons to receive better tips. This is dangerous, the person may forget to pay their tab, not tip you or worse, get in an accident on their way home. There are great risks in cutting someone off as well. If the person is angry enough they could not tip you or even harm you or someone else around them. It is always an issue when someone receives their tab and the price is just a little higher than they were expecting. Suddenly you have rang in too many drinks because there is no way he and his six friends drank 35 beers and did 40 shots. Regardless, I have found the best way to handle this is to first, relax. The drunkard is already worked up enough for the both of you, better the sober one in this equation have their head on straight.

There are some drunks that don't even think to look at the tab, if you just tell them how much they owe you, they might believe you rather than the detailed print-out you place in front of them.

But, if the time does come that you just cannot serve someone any more alcohol, bartenders are taught to simply tell them, "I'm sorry sir/ma'am but the Sate of Ohio requires me to stop serving you once you have reached a limit I feel is past the legal amount. Please pay your tab and I will call you a cab to ensure you arrive safely at your next destination." This leaves out any room for liability for the drunk that has decided he's going to go some where else and drink since you won't let him.

Losing a tip is far better than someone losing their life simply because you did not cut them off. I know plenty of bartenders that allow patrons to get to the point where they cannot even standup. While you may think this adds to sales and will give you more money in the end, it could possibly take everything from you and/or someone else.

Hooking up

 Don't get excited.
 I do not mean hooking-up in a sexual way, rather giving away product to friends, family and regulars. I'm not sure when and where people started this ritual of sorts but regardless, never, I repeat, never ask for the "hook-up." My previous employer used to refer to this act as "stealing" rather than hooking-up and essentially that's what it is. So, now you're asking me to steal from my company and risk getting fired just so you might be happier/drunker with a free shot or beer. I love that you chose my bar today, I love that you decided to tip me well, and while I may truly enjoy your company, I am not willing to lose my job for you.
 Sure, once and a while I might forget to put drinks on your tab, or actually put them on a spill sheet, but this is reserved only for those who never ask, frequently visit and tip well. Take care of me and I will take care of you, mi casa es su casa, eye for an eye, you scratch my back I'll scratch yours, get the picture?
 Another thing, the "last shot out of the bottle means it's free" rule does not exist. I do not care how hard you try to convince me, I will not believe you. I will, however, pat you on the back if somehow you find a bartender "pretty" enough (I say pretty instead of stupid, it sounds a lot nicer) to believe you.
 Yes, there are bartenders that will hook a lot of people up, depending on the type of bar, who runs it, corporate, all that mumbo-jumbo, but know that I probably will not. If it's a slow night, I am bored and you are my entertainment, you might find me to buy us shots, but other than that, don't hold your breath.

Will a gnat really Kill you?

It's so small, about two to three mm long according to Household Pets. So, is sending back your drink because there might be one in there really necessary? Do you really believe it is going to kill you? Some people do.

They are also harmless. Though the idea of swallowing a fly might gross many people out, or perhaps worry the most germ-a-phobic, they will not cause your body any arm. German researches have shown that alcohol, in moderation, can kill germs. 

Doctors have found a link between aging-related protein functions in humans and fruit flies. A study led by Michael Karin, a UCSD professor showed that fruit flies have a similar health problems with aging as humans do. "The research could eventually lead to drugs to slow age-related degeneration." 

So, before you waste the alcohol and upset your bartender by sending back your full drink, just look at it this way: it's more protein, and it very well might keep you younger. 

Hitting on your server/bartender

"Hi guys, can I get ya'll somethin' to drink?"

"How bout a kiss on the lips?"

"Hm, I've never made that drink before, what's in it?"

I have one rule about hitting on your bartender or server.

DON'T.

We are payed to be friendly towards you, whether you are the most hideous, obnoxious, married drunk in the world, we will still make you believe you just might have a chance, but this is not reality. 

When you go to a restaurant, you are more likely to tip that waitress or bartender that is friendly, right? That does not mean he or she likes you and wants you to ask them out. My own rule for this is that I never give my number out while working. If for some reason I might be really interested, I believe in fate and that I will see you some where outside of my place of employment and we can go from there. Be creative! Your server is trapped at work, there is no leaving the bar and ignoring you, we have to continue serving you until you decide to leave. 

Asking a bartender or sever for his/her number is always a bad idea. I used to work with a girl who gave her number to every guy that asked simply to get a better tip. Keep this in mind also, a lot of servers will do this so you think there might be a chance, thus giving them more money to impress them. Do not do this. All we will do is smile, make eyes at you, turn around and drag in the next sucker. Not only does him/her giving you their number not mean anything, neither does you giving them yours. 

When I first started serving, I collected how many notes or numbers were left behind for me on a nightly basis. The highest amount was usually on my first night at a new bar and ranged from 7-10. One particular night I received three different numbers from a group of friends who, oh so cleverly approached me when they went to the bathroom and I was out of sight from the rest of the group. None received a call from me. I am not your competition, and if I am, I'm sorry about your loss. 

"My friends and I have a bet... what bra size do you wear?"

Not only do pick-up lines not work, but comments such as these are definitely a no-go. Do not "holler" at me, I will not turn around and think I have found my Prince Charming and fall in love with you on the spot. The size of my body parts is not public information. Sharing this information does not turn me on. Think about it, how successful is it when a guy gropes a girl or says something charming like, "Damn, baby you fine." Oh, please, may I give you my number?

There are proper ways to compliment your server. While you still may be hitting on us, if you follow these rules, we will not go back in the kitchen and share with everyone about the creepy guy at table G3 resulting in everyone passing by and laughing at your expense. There are certain things to remember the next time you want to hit on your server/bartender (and yes, all of these things have happened):

1. Remember your server/ bartender is a person. If a woman, she likes to hear that she is "pretty," "beautiful" or "gorgeous," not "sexy as f**k," has a "body I'd like to bang," "hot," or "fine." Your slang is not welcome in my life and if you really believe I am that trashy to fall for those terms, we have other issues. 

2. The possibility that I am actually going to give you my number is 1 in 1,000. If I do, I probably will not answer. However, if that is the case and I do not respond, do not continue to call or text me repeatedly for weeks in hopes that I respond. 

3. If I tell you I have a boyfriend, do not try to convince me that you will be the "Best thing I've ever had." I will not believe you. This insults my intelligence and makes me think you have little to no faith in my judgement. So, why would I choose to go out with you if that is the case?

4. Again, if you leave your number, or are trying to hit on me, do not leave me a less than 20 percent tip. This tells me you are cheap, and now I am really not interested. 

5. Do not try leaving poems. They will only end up in the kitchen on display for everyone to laugh at for weeks. 

6. Do not ask me personal questions about my sex life. There is a key word in that statement, my. 

7. Your witty pick-up-lines will not work no matter how clever they might seem to you and your friends. 

8. Speaking of your friends, do not encourage your friends to ask out the bartender because "she totally digs you man," she probably does not. 

9. Do not ask me to dance for you, you are at a bar, not a strip club. If you want someone to dance for you, go to the nearest Bottoms Up or Platinum Horse, I'm sure there are plenty of nice girls there that would love to dance for you. 

10. Finally, never, never, never and again I say, never blatantly ask me to cheat on your wife or girlfriend with you. I do not care how "unhappy" you are at home, while I will listen to your problems, I will not be your solution. 

I am your bartender, not your grocer

It is one thing to ask for extra tomato, no lettuce, no mayo, sub cheese, or add pickle to your burger, but when you start asking for six pickles to take home for your small cookout you are about to have, that is where I draw the line.
At my bar there is a certain man that comes in literally, every day, we call those customers "regulars." I more than appreciate his patronage, for someone to spend $20 to $30 dollars a day plus tip it goes without saying that it should be appreciated. However, just because you spend your life sucking down brewed hops in hopes to catch a buzz before returning home and permanently indenting your rear-end into my bar stool, does not mean that you have free reign to treat the bar like a grocery store. There is a Giant Eagle about two-miles up the road.
This particular customer reminded me of the popular, "If you give a mouse a cookie" story. If you give a drunk a tomato, he's going to ask for an onion, if you give a drunk an onion, he's going to want "Six pieces of rye bread," if you give a drunk six pieces of rye bread, he's going to want "six pickles." Before you know it, store food counts do not line up and he just may be asking to buy burger patties or lunch meat for his next day's meal.
Now, don't get me wrong, I am all about the "customer is always right" philosophy, but only when the customer is, in fact, right. Small, sports bars like mine thrive on the "regular" customer service. If every one of my "regulars" was given this same treatment, we would run out of stock faster than we usually do (I despise Sundays for this reason).
Yes, we are a restaurant, we are here to serve you. But no, we will not sell you staple food items because you are too lazy to go to the grocery store. Drive the extra two miles and get your "fuel perks." The only "fuel perk" I can give you is another beer to add to your buzz that you will also have to pay for.

Welcome!

Ah, to start a blog. It is a bit intimidating. I wonder, how many people will read this? Do people really care? Well, whether you drink or not, you'll find this blog both interesting and relatable. I will share with you, stories I've heard from the bartender's ears (you'd be surprised the kind of things I see and hear). They are not all the broken-hearted sob stories that movies portray, some of them actually turn out to be quite "deep" conversations that lead to questions of life, love, and well...forgive me for being cliche, the pursuit of happiness. I believe every story can be broken down into a loss of innocence tale, and for most of these stories, that's exactly what they are. So sit back, crack open a cold one, sip, chug, but for God sake's don't slurp! Allow me to wipe down a clean spot for you at my bar and prepare yourself for some... interesting? stories.