Hooking up

 Don't get excited.
 I do not mean hooking-up in a sexual way, rather giving away product to friends, family and regulars. I'm not sure when and where people started this ritual of sorts but regardless, never, I repeat, never ask for the "hook-up." My previous employer used to refer to this act as "stealing" rather than hooking-up and essentially that's what it is. So, now you're asking me to steal from my company and risk getting fired just so you might be happier/drunker with a free shot or beer. I love that you chose my bar today, I love that you decided to tip me well, and while I may truly enjoy your company, I am not willing to lose my job for you.
 Sure, once and a while I might forget to put drinks on your tab, or actually put them on a spill sheet, but this is reserved only for those who never ask, frequently visit and tip well. Take care of me and I will take care of you, mi casa es su casa, eye for an eye, you scratch my back I'll scratch yours, get the picture?
 Another thing, the "last shot out of the bottle means it's free" rule does not exist. I do not care how hard you try to convince me, I will not believe you. I will, however, pat you on the back if somehow you find a bartender "pretty" enough (I say pretty instead of stupid, it sounds a lot nicer) to believe you.
 Yes, there are bartenders that will hook a lot of people up, depending on the type of bar, who runs it, corporate, all that mumbo-jumbo, but know that I probably will not. If it's a slow night, I am bored and you are my entertainment, you might find me to buy us shots, but other than that, don't hold your breath.